Something in the Paper

Ah, what’s in the paper? Hmph, let’s see…
Nothing much ever seems to happen.
Ah, someone’s wife…killed by her lover with…
hmm… a knife.
Oh, a fire on Blank Street and some bodies found.
How many?… Two?…three?…
ah, four.
The same old- story.
Here’s another little item…a shooting in town.
Bullet in the groin.
Ouch.
What else have we?
Here’s a flood…hundreds homeless
Here’s a shipwreck…no one saved.
Everyone’s afraid some bank will fail.
They always fail…
Except when they don’t.
Ah…a suicide.
Some fool lost all his money
and took his own worthless life.
Well, it serves him right.
As I’ve often said, it’s better to-
Wait!!!!
That bastard owed me seven hundred dollars.
Never- has there has never been such a damned disastrous day.